I'm Home
by C.Queen
Summary: Now that Thomas Tallis has peacefully passed on he walks the road to his heavenly reward.  But he will get sidetracked by a familiar tree...and a man he could never forget.


Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations all characters find themselves in. Everything else belongs to someone else and that's just the way it's gotta be. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy.

I'm Home

The first thing he felt was warmth. A perfect summer's day warmth, he thought, loathed to open his eyes for fear of ruining the feeling. The sounds of birds, of water and winds through the reeds were all around him like a natural symphony. The most perfect music of all, one he himself had never been able to capture to perfection, though he had spent years, decades trying to do so.

But Thomas Tallis's eyes opened, wanting to see the beauty of the world his other senses were bussing about.

All around him was beauty, the natural kind of beauty that showed how the world should have been. How God had meant it to be. Eden itself, Thomas thought in wonder, before man ruined God's perfect paradise. And he was in it, having died, the musician belatedly realized.

He had been allowed into heaven, Thomas thought as he looked all around him. He hadn't been sure that that would be the case. He had led a good life, but not a blameless one. And then there was William. It was William that he'd been afraid God would not forgive him for. Because he could not truly regret his brief time as the man's lover, even knowing that he should. His feelings for the man might have been unnatural and wrong in the eyes of his God and peers, but they had been as real and natural to him as his music, Thomas thought, feeling the familiar pain in his heart that always went hand in hand with thoughts of his love. And his heart had never played such music as it had for William.

Though he'd never been able to demonstrate that to the man, except in the music he had written for his lover at the man's funeral.

He'd been a mere boy in so many ways back then, Thomas thought with the wisdom of age. He hadn't truly understood what he felt for the other man. His youth and Roman Catholic guilt, combined with his inexperience in such things had been a lethal brew, one that had eaten away at him so that he had constantly questioned his relationship with William, causing him to keep some distance between them whenever he could. Hurting them both in the process, but at the time the pain had seemed like one more penance he had to pay for the sins they committed by being together.

When William had died, he'd wondered if that wasn't God's way of punishing him for lusting and fornicating with another man. Because only with the man finally out of his reach had he realized how tightly he should have held the man to him while he was alive.

)

_I hear the wind call my name  
The sound that leads me home again  
It sparks up the fire - a flame that still burns  
To you I will always return_

_)_

Eventually Thomas realized that he'd been walking for a rather long time, pulled by some invisible threads down a path laid out in front of him. And looking down at the path at his feet the musician saw that no longer were his legs bowed and weak, they were as straight and strong as they had been in his youth. Because a youth he was once more. No age spots marred his skin, which was smooth and unwrinkled against his strong, able fingers. He had been returned to the peak of his youth, the way he had been when William had called him beautiful.

Continuing down the winding path while he enjoyed the strength and virility of his old body, Thomas also marveled at the lack of people around him. Everywhere he looked there was simply nature, no other human being there to speak to or question. Which should have been unnerving, but he'd always been a man to appreciate the quiet. People had never been necessary to his happiness. As long as he'd had his music, nothing else had mattered. Or at least nothing else had truly mattered to him after William had passed on.

And then, up ahead, Thomas saw something that had him stopping in his tracks. For there, in his line of vision, had appeared a very familiar place. It had been his favorite place when he'd served in King Henry's court. It was the place he'd gone to get away from the court, its noise and debauchery, conspiracies and lies. A place where he could be alone with his thoughts and music.

It was under that tree there that he had told William he was going to France.

Without straining himself Thomas could remember every word spoken that day. He'd played it over and over again in his mind too oft to count. Wondering how he could have said things better, how he could have made William believe him when he'd said that he would miss him while he was away. And he had. Oh how he had. But when he'd returned…he hadn't had the chance to tell William that it had been so.

Pain coursing through him at the memory of that discovery, Thomas struggled to remember instead the good times they'd had together, seeking solace in his memories. The sound of William's laughter, his smile and playfulness, so at odds with the manly persona he'd built up for himself in court. Few people had known the sweet side of William, how gentle and kind he could be. His lord had not been a saint, Thomas thought wryly, not by any stretch of the word. He'd been guilty of all seven of the deadly sins in abundance, living his life according to his own rules and no one else's. His William had been a true follower of King Henry's excessive lifestyle and had made no excuses for it.

But William had been, in his opinion, a decent man at heart.

Flawed, but decent.

And the man had truly loved him. And he had loved him in return, Thomas thought as he stared at the tree.

He just hadn't known it until it was too late to tell him.

)

_I know the road is long but where you are is home  
Wherever you stay - I'll find the way  
I'll run like the river, I'll follow the sun  
I'll fly like an eagle to where I belong_

_I can't stand the distance - I can't dream alone  
I can't wait to see you - Yes I'm on my way home_

)

Forcing himself to continue to walk Thomas thought it ironic when he saw that the road he was following went right past the tree. But the sooner he walked by it the sooner he could push those painful memories aside and concentrate on what was ahead of him. There would be pain enough when he finally reached the end of this road God had put him on. For whatever paradise awaited him, it would not be complete without William, Thomas thought with another pain of remorse. Because William himself would have been the first to admit that heaven would have little use for the likes of him.

The closer and closer he got to the tree the faster Thomas seemed to move, like some unknown force inside him was pulling him in that direction with increasing urgency. Like it was a matter of life and death that he arrive at his intended destination. And then he saw the shape of a man by the tree.

The first person he'd seen since he arrived.

And the closer he got to the person sitting with his back up against the tree the harder Thomas's heart beat in his suddenly aching chest. Because he knew that form, he thought as time seemed to go still. Knew and had explored every inch of it so many years ago. Those long, broad shoulders, the firm and muscular thighs and legs stretched out on the grass. The short but curly reddish brown hair ruffled by the wind, and the sense of power and lazy arrogance.

"William."

Breaking into a run Thomas ran the rest of the way, panting hard as he came to a stop so that he was facing William, the man's eyes closed, body relaxed as Thomas walked towards him with legs that shook with nerves.

Thomas was almost standing in front of the man's feet when the other man's eyelashes fluttered, than opened as if on cue. The rakish, sensual smile that had always made the musician's heart race crossed firm lips as Lord William Compton met his gaze.

"Fancy meeting you here."

There was so much Thomas wanted to say, the words all trying to spill out at once so that they clogged up his throat, preventing any of them from escaping. Choking on them Thomas felt tears gather in his eyes, battling them back as he took a few steps forward and then dropped to his knees, throwing himself up against the man with a choked sob.

_)_

Now I know it's true  
My every road leads to you  
And in the hour of darkness  
Your light gets me through

)

William, it was William holding him, Thomas thought as the man's arms came up to close around him, holding him just as tightly with a low, pleased chuckle. Closing his eyes Thomas just breathed in the other man's scent, wallowing in the familiar scents of leather, forest and just plain William. Not even the most fragrant flower or perfume could have smelled better to him because it was William's heart beating up against his, William's breath stirring his hair. It was William.

Yes, this was heaven.

Sighing in contentment when he felt William's fingers move up to stroke through his hair, Thomas's lips curved up against the older man's neck. It felt like forever since William had touched him like this, and yet it felt like only yesterday that they were saying their good byes before he left for France.

"I really, really missed you." And forcing his head up Thomas moved so that their foreheads rested up against each other's. "In France and…after. I missed you."

"I missed you as well, Tom." William's hands came up to frame Thomas's face, his touch almost reverent as his fingers smoothed against the man's cheeks. "Thomas More said you wrote a song for my funeral that would have made the angels upstairs weep."

"You've seen Thomas More?"

"He and I get together every once in a while to discuss how Henry lost his head after I left and decided to start literally removing everyone else's." William laughed at the 'not the least amused' look Thomas shot in his direction, obviously not seeing the humor in his jest. "Sorry, sorry, a little gallows humor as it were. Anyway, More drops in on me when the mood strikes him. People like you and him can come and slum with us bad boys when it suits you. We bad boys can't climb any higher though. More thinks that it's God's way of encouraging us sinners to repent and behave in the hopes of ascending higher to those we miss above." And now an almost wistful smile crossed his lips. "I was wondering if I'd get the chance to see you again. I was hoping I would." William leaned in to brush his lips against Thomas's, the other man sighing his pleasure at the brief caress.

"It was all I could do, the song." Thomas placed his hands over the other man's, stroking the strong, capable fingers that had always given him such pleasure. "After your funeral I couldn't bear to hear it, much less play it."

"More said it made you pretty popular with the ladies."

Knowing what the man was hinting at Thomas forced himself to put into words the truths that had lived in his heart for so long. He hadn't been able to say them in life but this was his chance to say them when it counted most. To the man who meant the most to him, and who needed to hear them. Perhaps he would pay for it later, Thomas thought fiercely, but how much worse could it be in comparison to a lifetime without the man watching him so closely.

)

_You run like the river - you shine like the sun  
You fly like an eagle  
You are the one  
I've seen every sunset  
And with all that I've learned  
Oh, it's to you I will always, always return_

)

"How I felt around you always frightened me. I couldn't understand it, and it interfered with everything, including my music. Writing music for the church, inspiring others with my songs was all I ever wished to do with my life. And I was afraid that you would interfere with that, that because of how you made me feel, what you made me want and desire, that I would lose the gifts God had blessed me with. That I would be sucked into your world and lose myself in it the way so many others seemed to. I feared becoming someone I didn't want to be."

"I wouldn't have let that happen." William said softly but firmly. "I never wanted you to change. Ever."

"I know that now. I married because I knew that I would never stray from my vows, William. That by marrying her I would insure that I would never experience the level of joy and pain my relationship with you caused me. She was my wall of defense so that I could function in the world without really having to live in it. I cared for her, care for her, but I didn't love her the way one should love their wife. I've only loved one person in my life and that is, and always will be, you."

Again William's lips curved into the smile Thomas loved so much, the look in William's eyes enough to take Thomas's breath away. "So what you're saying is that I had to die in order for you to fall in love with me." William drawled out, though there was no anger in his words. Just the opposite in fact. Thomas had never heard the man sound happier.

"No, you just had to die to make me realize it. Sorry about that."

And leaning forward Thomas pressed his lips up against William's; savoring the taste of the other man like it was the rarest of wines. Groaning low in his throat as the other man kissed him back hungrily Thomas cradled the back of William's head while the other man's fingers threaded through his hair.

When they finally broke apart they stared into each other's eyes, moving in to press their foreheads against each other in tandem.

"I never stop loving you, Tom." William told him, his voice ringing true.

"I love you too, my lord, my William." And Thomas's lips curved into a beautiful smile as he realized that he was finally where he belonged, after decades of searching. "It's good to finally be home again."

"Welcome home."

And leaning in for another kiss Thomas didn't think for a moment about continuing on the road still laid out for him. He didn't care how high he could have ascended if not for William. Perhaps others would call him a fool for giving up paradise, but as far as he was concerned, he'd found his paradise and would be a fool to ever think otherwise.


End file.
